Yesterday was one of the worst days ever. 2 of my dogs were bit by a snake. The smallest did not survive. I rushed him to the ER and they tried to do what they could. They said that they could try the anti-venom but that they did not think he would survive even with it. The anticipated cost of treatment with the anti-venom was $3K. My other dog was also caught on the lip. His treatment with anti-venom would also be $3K. The vet felt like he would be ok with normal treatment which consisted of injections, cleaning, pain meds and antibiotics. I had to open a credit account to pay for this. I don't regret it. My love for them and my other animals is insurmountable. In total, with the treatments and the euthanasia it cost $700 for both dogs. I am heartbroken and exhausted. (Got home from the ER about 1:00 AM and only slept about an hour and a half) Please send healing thoughts and prayers for my boy that made it. And maybe some thoughts and prayers that I can have strength to endure this.
Archive for June, 2018
I brought my lunch again today. I have not used my debit card in 3 days. But I want pizza so bad. I just can't do it. I don't have the cash and I can't make my account worse just because I want pizza. Its disappointing but it will be better in the long run.
Today I scrounged up money for dog food. I found money in little accounts until low and behold I had enough for a bag. I just can't let anything else clear my account right now. That is the only way it will ever stop getting worse.
I brought my breakfast and lunch today. And I have dinner planned for tonight. And I have gas in my car for a few days.
I also have an order on Thursday. I will make $48.
I decided to do another entry today because I am just a blob of emotions today. I just want something more. More than a life full of debt. More than financial stress. More than being in this hole. I'm angry that I got myself here. I understand that we have been dealt a difficult hand and some circumstances that we can't control, but we should be prepared. I'm not looking to beat myself up. I am actually feeling better about things. But today is a different day. I can't really explain it. I am sad and angry and determined and optimistic. The idea of a super frugal month has really inspired me. Maybe if I try this and keep plugging along...maybe I can do this. Today I feel like I am rising up out of the ashes, but crouched down and holding on for dear life on the ascent. I am believing that there is more to life than this. That its ok to want more. And that its ok to think I deserve more, if I am willing to put in the work. Maybe its a breakthrough moment. Maybe its being too hopeful. I don't know. But I'm riding this wave.
So, I meal planned and I have 11 full meals that I can make with what I have right now. We also have 4 boxes of cereal, misc snacks, and extra meals I can make like pancakes, eggs, a frozen pizza, etc. I also have my lunches covered and my DH will have leftovers for his lunches. Tonight I get a free meal and movie. My sister had gift cards for the tickets and we are having snacks at my Mom's house beforehand. We are going to see the Mr. Roger's movie. Should be a nice night.
For July, I am only allowing $20 a pay period for groceries and I can only use cash. It will be difficult, but I am working on my couponing skills and I will just have to be thrifty. They will not be gourmet meals. But for one month we can do it. Wish us luck.
Side note: Bad Loan is paid off as of last Friday. HOORAY!!!
I've just been reading entries lately since I do not have much to update on. I'm still just surviving. Trying to find extra money where I can. My last Bad Loan payment is Friday. $244 will make its way back into my budget. Still waiting for September when I will be positive in my bank account and can work on debt repayment.
I am doing a frugal challenge for July. I feel like everyday is a frugal challenge, but I am still living beyond my means.
Just trying to be positive and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm over the dr visits! Yesterday's visit was for me, for my back. It is still hurting since my accident 2 weeks ago. It wasn't covered under insurance since it was auto accident related. I know I will be reimbursed by the other insurance company, but I don't know when. Got 2 prescriptions.
I am taking my car to be repaired tomorrow and have a long list of to dos for the weekend. I am going to try to get some rest too.
So, it has been almost 3 months since I started here. My numbers haven't changed much. And although I am definitely in a rough place financially, I have realized that "I" am a major piece of the problem. Basically, I have 3 problems.
1) Myself and my unwillingness to make changes
2) My budget
3) Not enough money
1) I am struggling to accept that I need to make some changes. I cannot seem to completely get on board. My mindset has changed. I have the desire to change. But I am not doing the work or the follow-through.
2) My budget. The problem is that I don't have everything budgeted for, but I still buy those things because they are necessary or because I "choose" to. Gas, groceries, and dog food. Those are all necessities. And I just try to come up with money to pay for them. But sometimes I don't and that is why my numbers are not improving.
3) I just don't have enough money. I have to push to have extra coming in. That is the only way out of the hole.
My mind knows what to do. I am staring at the computer screen while I type this thinking "Yes! Get your sh*t together. You know what to do!" But I find myself stuck. What is the major malfunction here.
And I do have a side job that I am guaranteed $50/week. I use that towards the $500 Loan payment and it doesn't go into the bank account at all. But then I think I should work during the week somewhere else. But after a 10 hour day, I am just so tired. I don't know if I can do it. Combined with a household and family, its just a lot.
Anyway....these are today's thoughts.